After waiting many years, hoping and praying that my marriage would be restored,  sadly my husband chose to end it, and I found myself single again.  My focus was mainly on God, but it was also on getting myself emotionally and mentally healthy, and spiritually strong and prepared for a relationship, if God had someone in mind for me some day.

Going through a Biblical ‘Divorce Recovery’ class was my first step.  Even though I had been separated for a long time before my ‘husband’ even began the divorce process, and by the grace of God, had worked through  all the possible emotions you could imagine, I felt the need for a Biblical understanding of marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

During the final  class, the pastor of the ‘Single Adult Ministry’ came in to share his heart and vision for this ministry with us.  I could sense his deep love for God and His Word as he spoke, and decided I would start attending, once the Divorce Recovery class was over.

Four months after I started going to the  singles group, I met a man, and even though he had a deep love for God, he was seriously lacking  in spiritual discernment.  He shared with me how he was attending a church where there were many unbiblical practices taking place, and even though he was occasionally searching for a new church,  he was still choosing to stay there.  By his own admission, it was mainly because it was just easier to stay, than to continue searching for another church.

As we sat together, other people began to join us, and our conversation.  One woman, who was a friend of his, asked him why he still had not remarried.  First he responded by saying,  “I just haven’t found the right one yet.”  Later he revealed  possibly a more accurate reason why, and his response caused me to sense a strong warning from the Holy Spirit.  He shared how he had been involved with a woman for five years, and she broke off the relationship because she didn’t want to wait any longer.  Not only was he lacking in spiritual discernment and commitment to God, but it seemed like he was also lacking in a desire to commit himself to a person in a relationship.  I was also not totally convinced he was a genuine Christian, because of some of the other things he had said on a spiritual level.

As lonely as we might be at times, those of us who are single believers, must use godly wisdom and discernment and be led by God’s Spirit, and not by our flesh in our choices of whom we should become involved with.  I chose only to help him see the truth about the spiritual chaos he was observing at his church by sharing many Scriptures with him, and I asked God to protect me from getting  involved too deeply with him when it came to my emotions. 

I wrote the following poem at a point when I only saw this man’s love for God and his Word, but never gave it to him.  It was obvious at his refusal to leave his church, even when he knew he should, that he would not be a strong spiritual leader for me to even consider becoming more involved with. 

Even though God did use His Word to finally make him leave his church, there were too many concerns I had about him, especially the strong uncertainty I had of his genuine commitment to Christ.  We were close friends for three years, but I did not allow our relationship to develop beyond a friendship level.

We must trust God to help us choose the very best mate for us by looking at their level of commitment to God, by observing their lives, their interactions with other people, and their spiritual fruit or lack of it in their lives,  among many other things.

Never consider having a relationship with someone you may sense God warning you against getting involved with, just to fill a void in your life.  I came dangerously close to doing just that.

I would like to share some Scriptures with you to reflect upon, that helped me sense God’s love and peace, and directed  me in the many decisions I had to make.  I pray they will bless, encourage, and guide you, and, if needed, bring loving correction to each one of you as well…

 “For your Maker is your husband–the LORD Almighty is His name–the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, he is called the God of all the earth.  The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit–a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.”  (Isaiah 54:5,6)

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 3:13,14)

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.  For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?  Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  What harmony is there between Christ and Belial?  What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?”   (2 Corinthians 6:14)

“Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.  Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you –unless of course, you fail the test?”                      (2 Corinthians 13:5)

“God is light; in him is no darkness at all.  If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.  If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.”  (1 John 1:5-10) 

“My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin.  But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense — Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.  He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.  We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands.  The man who says,  “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him.  But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him.  This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.”  (1 John 2:1-6)

“It gave me great joy to have some brothers come and tell about your faithfulness to the truth and how you continue to walk in the truth.  I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”  (3 John 3)

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”  (Philippians 4:6-8)

“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.  Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”                (Psalm 27:13)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,  “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Scriptures taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®.  Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984  International Bible Society.  Used by permission of Zondervan.  All rights reserved.

Even though this was written in 2004, at a time when I thought God was bringing that certain man into my life, this poem still expresses…




I am yours, and you are mine,

We were meant to be together since the beginning of time,

We both endured heartache, rejection and pain,

But it brought us to the cross, and that’s where we’ll remain,

Steadfast and strong, no matter what we may face,

We’ll press on together by His strength and His grace,

Determined to stand for the truth and not run,

Till we stand in His presence and hear,  “Good job, well done.”


Written on October 21, 2004 by Mary K. Dalke/Living4HisGlory/LivingForHisGlory

Copyright © 2009  Mary K. Dalke/LivingForHisGlory/Living4HisGlory

Picture obtained from   th_man_ woman_ holding _hands-3