INTRODUCTION
It is the desire of my heart to express through this poem, my deep appreciation to God for giving me His grace that carried me through a very long and heart-wrenching time in my life.
Sadly, some turn to drugs or other means, to escape from the pain of their past and present circumstances. I can tell you that I don’t know how I would have made it if God had not chosen to reveal Himself to me through His Word and given me His grace that proved to be sufficient for me, and His peace that surpassed all human understanding.
When the emotionally painful events began to take place right before I married, I had the knowledge of God, but I did not know Jesus Christ personally as my Savior from sin and Lord of my life, even though I had always prayed and desired to know Him much more deeply than I did. I was basically a ‘nice person,’ as many of us would say that we are, and a religious one as well, but I was eternally lost as every other religious person is, because I had (wrongly) placed my trust in the kind acts that I did for others, as well as my church attendance and religious practices as being enough to allow me entrance into heaven after I died.
I did everything I could to make my marriage work and to try and make my husband realize that there was a problem. When he expressed no concern and showed no loving, caring response after I poured out my heart to him, and instead chose to be sarcastic, I withdrew within myself and went into a deep depression. My home was in disarray, because it was a reflection of the hopelessness that I felt.
God used everything I went through to bring me to the end of myself, so that I would cry out to Him. He was there through it all, just waiting for the moment when He would choose to reveal Himself to me. Ironically, as I shared in one of my other poems, He used my husband to bring me home a Bible, and as I began to read it, God made Himself more real to me than I could ever have imagined, and I surrendered my life to Him, with all the sin, hopelessness, fear, rejection, and hurt. God began a deep healing process in my mind and heart, and His strength was made perfect in my weakness, and His grace proved to be abundantly sufficient to me. I was becoming a new creation in Christ.
Even though I wanted God to change the circumstances and my husband, He chose instead to change me, and I will be ever so grateful to God for using all the pain I went through, just so that I could know Him in the way that I do. I came to know God in a way that I never would have, if things weren’t so painful. Sometimes I experienced hurt so deep, that it caused me to curl up into a fetal position as I cried out to Him from the very depths of my being.
If I had the choice to go through it all again, I would not hesitate to say ‘Yes,’ because I have come to know God’s love, faithfulness, mercy, grace, and His Word, in ways that I could never have known them without going through all the pain that I did.
My poem will give you just a glimpse of how real God became to me. The book I am in the process of writing about my life, will reveal much more.
My deepest desire is to let you know how real He can become to you in the midst of your painful circumstances, …if only you will choose to cry out to Him. No matter how overwhelming your circumstances may seem, and how hopeless you may feel, God wants SO much to reveal His love and truth to you.
I pray for all of you who read this, that you will choose to seek Him in the midst of your pain, and read His Word, the Bible. And if you do not know Him personally, I pray that you will ask Him to forgive you of your sin, be willing to turn from your sin with His help, and place your complete trust in the fact that He died in your place on the cross, to provide complete payment for your sin and guilt, so that you can be accepted by God and become His child. He promises to never leave or forsake you, and no matter what you will face in life, His grace is sufficient.
Lord, I thank you for using all the pain I went through, to draw me to Yourself. I thank You for revealing Your love and truth to me through Your Word, and for saving me from sin and the eternal consequences of my sin in hell. I thank you for Your mercy and grace, and choosing continually to reveal Your truth and Yourself to me through Your Word in such amazing ways as I waited and prayed, and by Your grace, chose to live for You even after I saw my marriage end in divorce.
You are worthy of all praise –no matter what. And if I had the choice to go through it all again, I would not hesitate to say, ‘Yes,’ because in my times of prayer with You, being in Your Word, and crying out to You, I have come to know You and Your love, grace, mercy, and faithfulness, in ways that I would never have come to know You without going through all the pain that I did. Thank You.
Here are some Scriptures that brought me through those years of fear and loneliness, and I pray they will be a source of hope and encouragement to you as well:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power rests on me. For when I am weak then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9,10)
“The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-a wife who married young, only to be rejected, says your God.” (Isaiah 54:6)
“Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD, will inherit the land.” (Psalm 37:1-9)
“I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 16:8)
“Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between His shoulders.” (Deuteronomy 33:12)
“But You are a shield around me, O LORD; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head.” (Psalm 3:3)
Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
JUST TO KNOW YOU AS I DO
It was Your grace that carried me through the pain,
As in Your presence and in Your Word I chose to remain,
You saw every tear that fell from my eyes,
When in my commitment to You, I chose never to compromise,
You heard every harsh word that began from the start,
You saw every act of rejection that broke my heart,
You saw every attempt I made until I was at a loss,
You used all the heartbreak to bring me to Your cross.
You took away my sorrow, and gave me joy instead,
You heard my desperate cry for help, You were the lifter of my head.
You shattered my darkness, You rescued me from the pain,
You were there in my weakness, Your strength was mine to gain.
You delivered me from fear with Your outstretched hand,
You took away my shame, and by Your grace I now stand.
If I had the choice to relive the past, or to avoid all the pain I went through,
I would choose to go through it all over again… just to know You as I do.
Copyright©2009 Mary K. Dalke/Living4HisGlory/LivingForHisGlory All rights reserved.
Picture obtained from Photobucket -worship-1
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Mary/Living For His Glory
Mary, I LOVE this poem and im sure there is many people out there who can relate 100% to what this poem says!
Hi Malana : )
Thank you SO much for taking the time to read some of my poems and also for taking the time to make a comment. I am so glad you like it. I try to be very transparent when I write my poems, knowing–as you basically said –that there are many people out there who have gone through heartache of many kinds, and can totally relate to what I shared in this poem (as well as many of my other poems).
I want to help people realize they can find hope and healing if they turn to God. He desires to have a relationship with all of us, but it must be our choice to turn to Him; He will not force us to love Him. That wouldn’t be true love if we were forced to love someone, or if someone was forced to love us.
The main thing I want people to realize is what God’s Word says…that we are all sinners separated from a Holy God because of our sin. (“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” God’s Word, the Bible – Romans 3:23) Many people think that if we are basically good, and that if the good we do outweighs the bad we have done in life, then one day we will get to heaven. But when they/we stand before God on judgment day, sadly they/we will find out that this is not true. Hell is a very real place of fire and torment, and God is not willing that anyone should go there! “He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)
Hell was only created for the devil and his angels… “Then shall He say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.” Only if we reject God’s love and forgiveness that He offers us through receiving Jesus, will we find ourselves in this place of eternal torment.
“Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him.” (John 3:36)
‘Religion’ is man’s way to try and reach God, and that always depends on ‘good works.’ But God offers us a ‘relationship’ with Himself. And we can only have that by placing our trust in the only way He provided for us to come to Him. And that is by placing our trust in what Jesus did when He died in OUR place…Jesus, being fully God and fully man, lived the perfect, sinless life that we could never live, to become the perfect sacrifice for our sins. Our sins were placed upon Him on the cross, and He then willingly endured the wrath of God, His Father, that WE deserved for our sins when He suffered the extreme pain–beyond our comprehension–of crucifixion.
God accepted His sacrifice as FULL payment for our sins, and that is the ‘good news,’ which is what the word ‘gospel’ means. If we ask God to forgive us for our sins, and are willing to turn from our sins and place our trust in what Jesus has already done to pay the debt for our sins, and accept God’s forgiveness by accepting Jesus as our only way to be saved from our sins, we then become His child and can have a personal relationship with Him.
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.” (1 John 1:5-10)
“Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” (John 1:12)
“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
“This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:9,10)
Reading His Word, the Bible, and spending time expressing our concerns and fears to Him in prayer, we can then come to know Him in a very real way! He will begin to transform our lives, and use us to reveal His love and truth to others…
“And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5:15-20)
Receiving Jesus and surrendering our lives and all of our concerns to Him, we will then receive His peace that goes beyond all human understanding…
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6,7)
He will then give us ‘His strength where we find ourselves weak,’ and we will find that’His grace will always be sufficient’ enough to carry us through the hardest things we will ever face in life…
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
God bless you, Malana. You are very special, and you are very special to me! 🙂
Hi Mary!
This is Wendy Johnston, Emily’s mother. She gave me the name of your blog a while ago but I tried a couple of times and couldn’t find it. I finally asked her for help and she got me here! YA! Praise the Lord! I had a few minutes to read what you sent to Malana. Very well said! I am fairly new to having a “relationship” with Christ but I’ve always believed in God my whole life, I just did not know that I was supposed to take the next step to have a relationship and I needed a few things to happen to me to get me where I am today. Without those, just like in your blog, I would not be in the same place. Even though it took 52 years for me to get here, I am happy I finally know what I was missing! I look forward to meeting you someday when I stop in! I need to get ready for church now, but I have bookmarked your site for future reading. You are so thorough, I could use it as Bible study as well! Have a Blessed Day! Sincerely, Wendy 🙂
Hi Wendy!
Thank you SO much for taking time to read my poems! I am glad Emily was able to help you find your way to my blog…I understand totally what you went through. I had no clue how to even USE a computer, when I bought one in 2008. I mainly bought it because I wanted to use all the pain I went through in life to somehow bring glory to God, and to point others to Christ in the midst of their pain… I wrote a few poems when I was a teenager, but ‘Walls’ was the first poem I wrote after becoming a Christian, so I thought I’d try and write some more.
Also, because of the attack on Biblical Christianity that’s going on these days, there is a burden on my heart to ‘earnestly contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints,’ (Jude 3) so you will also read many about warning Christians of the importance of knowing God’s Word so they will not be led into deception.
I am SO happy for you that God has revealed to you how you need to have a relationship with Him, and that you publically expressed your desire to follow Christ by getting baptized! Since you are a newly committed follower of Christ, I can’t stress to you enough the importance of reading and studying God’s Word so you will not be led astray by the spiritual deception that is rapidly entering the church today. (You can read my poem ‘Anchor For My Soul’ and all the information I added so you can see what I mean). And if it was you that clicked on my YouTube channel, please watch the videos I have that will make you aware of the ‘Emergent Church’ and the many preachers and ‘Christian’ speakers (even promoted on Moody radio) who are encouraging Christians to try ‘Contemplative prayer’ (and many other unbiblical practices) telling them they can have a closer walk with God by doing this!
Thank you for your kind words about what I said to Malana…as well as saying that ‘I am so thorough that you could use it as a Bible Study.’ 🙂 I try to make the most of every opportunity to share the gospel with those who haven’t gotten to the point of realizing that the emptiness they sense in their lives is because they haven’t received God’s love and forgiveness through Christ yet, even though they may believe in God. Plus I was very blessed to have a very thorough first Bible Study teacher, and she inspired me to be like her.
I hope we can meet some day soon, and now that I have your email address, I’ll send you an email…Lord willing, hopefully next week. I am trying to finish up my newest poem, ‘WARNING YOU WITH TEARS,’…it’s about why I recently left the church I was attending for almost 15 years 😦 Very sad story, and again, evidence to show the importance of ‘examining the Scriptures daily to see if what is being said (mainly the sermons and words, and even actions of every pastor and teacher) is true,’ (Acts 17:11) and to follow Christ and not any man or ministry.
Thank you, Wendy 🙂 You have a blessed day, as well!
Mary
Hi Mary,
I lost your regular email because my computer crashed in January. I wanted to thank you so much for praying for Emily lately. In case you lost my email, it is below. Thanks again and may God bless you!
Wendy Johnston