INTRODUCTION

It is the desire of my heart to express through this poem, my deep appreciation to God for giving me His grace that carried me through a very long and heart-wrenching time in my life.

Sadly, some turn to drugs or other means, to escape from the pain of their past and present circumstances.  I can tell you that I don’t know how I would have made it if God had not chosen to reveal Himself to me through His Word, and given me His grace that proved to be sufficient to me, and His peace that surpassed all human understanding. 

When the emotionally painful events began to take place right before I married, I had knowledge of God, but I did not know Him personally as my Savior from sin and Lord of my life, even though I always prayed and desired to know Him much more deeply than I did. I was basically a ‘nice person,’ as many of us would say that we are, and a religious one as well, but eternally lost as every other religious person is, because I had placed my trust in the kind acts I showed to others,  my church attendance, and religious practices.

I did everything I could to make my marriage work and try to make my husband realize there was a problem. When he expressed no concern and showed no loving, caring response, but instead chose to be sarcastic, I withdrew within myself and went into a deep depression. My home was in disarray, because it was a reflection of the hopelessness I felt. 

God used everything I went through to bring me to the end of myself, so that I would cry out to Him. He was there through it all, just waiting for the moment when He would choose to reveal Himself to me. Ironically, as I shared in one of my other poems, He used my husband to bring me home a Bible, and as I began to read it, God made Himself more real to me than I could ever have imagined, and I surrendered my life to Him, with all the sin, hopelessness, fear, rejection, and hurt. God began a deep healing process in my mind and heart, and His strength was made perfect in my weakness, and His grace proved to be abundantly sufficient to me. I was becoming a new creation in Christ. 

Even though I wanted God to change the circumstances and my husband, He chose instead to change me, and I will be ever so grateful to God for using all the pain I went through, just so that I could know Him in the way that I do.  I came to know God in a way that I never would have, if things weren’t so painful.  Sometimes I experienced  hurt so deep, that  it caused me to curl up into a fetal position, as I cried out to Him from the very depths of my being. 

If I had the choice to go through it all again, I would not hesitate to say ‘Yes,’ because I have come to know God’s love, faithfulness,  mercy,  grace, and His Word, in ways that I could never have known them without going through all the pain that I did.

My poem will give you just a glimpse of  how real God became to me.  The book I am in the process of writing about my life, will reveal much more. 

My deepest desire is to let you know  how real He can become to you in the midst of your painful circumstances, …if only you will choose to cry out to Him. No matter how overwhelming your circumstances may seem, and how hopeless you may feel, God wants SO much to reveal His love and truth to you. 

I pray for all of you who read this, that you will choose to seek Him in the midst of your pain, and read His Word, the Bible.  And if you do not know Him personally, I pray that you will ask Him to forgive you of your sin, be willing to turn from your sin with His help, and place your complete trust in the fact that He died in your place on the cross, to provide complete payment for your sin and guilt, so that you can be accepted by God and become His child.  He promises to never leave or forsake you, and no matter what you will face in life, His grace is sufficient.

Lord, I thank you for using all the pain I went through, to draw me to Yourself.  I thank You for revealing Your love and truth to me through Your Word, and for saving me from sin and the eternal consequences of  my sin in hell. I thank you for Your mercy and grace, and choosing  continually to reveal Your truth and Yourself to me through Your Word in such amazing ways as I waited and prayed, and by Your grace, chose to live for You even after I saw my marriage end in divorce. 

You are worthy of all praise –no matter what.  And if I had the choice to go through it all again, I would not hesitate to say, ‘Yes,’ because in my times of prayer with You, being in Your Word, and crying out to You, I have come to know You and Your love, grace, mercy, and faithfulness, in ways that I would never have come to know You without going through all the pain that I did. Thank You.

Here are some Scriptures that brought me through those years of fear and loneliness, and I pray they will be a source of hope and encouragement to you as well:

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”  (Deuteronomy 31:6)

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power rests on me.  For when I am weak then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9,10)

“The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-a wife who married young, only to be rejected,  says your God.” (Isaiah 54:6)

“Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.  Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.  Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.  Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-it leads only to evil.  For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD, will inherit the land.” (Psalm 37:1-9)

“I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.  I have set the LORD always before me.  Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 16:8)

“Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between His shoulders.” (Deuteronomy 33:12)

“But You are a shield around me, O LORD; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head.” (Psalm 3:3)

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®.  Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984  International Bible Society.  Used by permission of Zondervan.  All rights reserved.

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JUST TO KNOW YOU AS I DO 

It was Your grace that carried me through the pain,

As in Your presence and in Your Word I chose to remain,

You saw every tear that fell from my eyes,

When in my commitment to You, I chose never to compromise,

You heard every harsh word that began from the start,

You saw every act of rejection that broke my heart, 

You saw every attempt I made until I was at a loss,

You used all the heartbreak to bring me to Your cross. 

You took away my sorrow, and gave me joy instead,

You heard my desperate cry for help, You were the lifter of my head. 

You shattered my darkness, You rescued me from the pain,

You were there in my weakness, Your strength was mine to gain.

You delivered me from fear with Your outstretched hand,

You took away my shame, and by Your grace I now stand. 

If I had the choice to relive the past, or to avoid all the pain I went through,

I would choose to go through it all over again… just to know You as I do.

Copyright©2009 Mary K. Dalke/Living4HisGlory/LivingForHisGlory All rights reserved.

Picture obtained from Photobucket -worship-1

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